Fresh Start Challenge Day 24: Welcome Mat

I have dogs so this was hilarious to me!

I wasn't raised in church. We went to church around Christmas and that was it. I was always amazed at people thinking I was this good little Christian girl just because I was reading and didn't curse a lot. In reality I was reading porn many times (You know before it became cool with Fifty Shades of Grey.)

When I became a teenager I really lost my way. I started researching other religions. None of them really fit me and what I was seeking. I want people to accept me. Sadly, I didn't feel like the Christian kids at my school would accept me because of my status and my past. It was a worse feeling as the hard parts of my life went on.

When you've been raped and the result is pregnancy. You seriously question who do you turn to and will anyone ever accept you. Even my parents will admit that they turned their backs on me when I was going through that. I had a daughter and she was snatched away from me before I was ever allowed to hold her because she had so many things wrong with her.

Moving on with my life was not easy but my parents insisted that my daughter was better off without me hindering her life. I went on to college and finally moving away because I was forbidden from seeing her so I decided to move on start new. It's a decision I regret and love at the same time.

I have written about this on several occasions and you will see it in the future, because this is a day that forever changed my life. Just a regular Tuesday morning and pulling into work. Madame is greeting at the door like usual except there this was there was a blonde, with eyes I swore were freaking contacts, helping her greet people. I hated the girl she was too quiet and soft spoken. Yeah, I changed that; me and the guy that is now her husband totally changed that.

She became my best friend. She started making me watch my language, stop drinking as much and finally stop smoking. You want to talk about being scared of gaining weight but I actually lost weight instead. I know you can hate me. And trust me for who smoke I seriously felt different when I quit. But there was one day after I quit that I had a serious craving and need for one.

"Will you go to church with me please?" Staring at those almond colored eyes is a dangerous especially when the word please is used. I agreed but regretted it instantly. I hadn't been to church in years and knew I wasn't going to be accepted. However, I got in her car desperately wanting a cigarette and opted for furiously chewing on gum. Getting out of that car was like walking on jello.

Imagine my shock when the preacher was dressed in cargo shorts, sandals, and polo. I was greeted by everyone. The preacher had tattoos and was extremely easy to talk about things. I said my first prayer in many years when we prayed that night. "If this is where I belong, let me know please." God did just that.

 The Lifehouse song came on and I as I sang the words I started crying and grabbed Odette's hand. I knew that I was finally home. These people accepted me including my past and I accepted them for theirs. I was saved and baptized at the beginning of 2013 after Frankie and I got together.

Then February 1st, 2013 I received two text messages that sent me crumbling. My daughter's heart gave out. My church family came together and helped me get through the grief and pain. They still support me and give daily comfort. Even with the help of my church family, I am for once in my life close to my family. It feels amazing. Even though I still regret coming to Huntsville, and I may leave it one day, I am glad that I was in Huntsville when I was.