Fresh Start Challenge 3: Give Someone Else a Chance to Fly })i({

These are the charities I support:

• HEALS
• TOMS
• TWLOHA
• Toys for Tots
• Operation Christmas
• RAINN
• Invisible Children
• Cutting Depression

I am still highly active on Tumblr people ask me all the time about the Butterfly Project. Well over 50% of self harm people are on Tumbr myself included. My scars will always be there. It's a part of who I am and I have no reason to be ashamed. There is a Tumblr page that has a donation link that I donate to: Instead of Cutting. They have all thinks and support you need.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 2: Tea Parties

There are many crazy things I do while no one is around.

I have tea parties with my dogs and stuffed animals. Seriously. It helps remind my manners in social situations.

I go all out too with sugar cubes and biscuits.

Yep that's how weird I am.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 1: Mary Ann

M - Memorable

A - Alluring

R - Rare

Y - Youthful

A - Admirable

N - Naughty

N - Nefarious

Day 7: Libra

All of these things are true about me; yes. But is it because of how the Sun was on the day I was born? Eh no. It's based on the turmoil or the happiness I had in my early years. That's really about it. There is no reason to believe that because a paragraph says that a lover will enter your life that it's going to happen.

Day 6: 30 Facts

1. I have put edible glitter on chicken before and yes it was yummy!
2. When I'm shaving my legs I rub the cream over my legs and then I start writing my name with my finger or doodling... Hush its me.
3. I am banned from going to the dairy section with Odette when grocery shopping. The last time I screamed at the guy behind the orange juice that it didn't look like Florida in there. He laughed. 
4. I have a floor piano that you play with your feet.
5. Yes I have so much glitter on at times that yes one time at the gyno pulling off my clothes there was glitter on the floor so I can imagine the view he got.
6. My country shows when it involves a lifted truck. And yes Frankie has a lifted truck. Trust me as soon as another ring is on my finger we are going wild in that bad boy.
7. I love sock buns on Saturdays. 
8. I'm starting to find it hard to come up with things to fear beside me dying and my love one dying because I'm facing so many.
9. I own a library in Seattle. It's small but it's mine as a gift from my dad.
10. I learned how to pole dance by accident. My friend lived in a old firehouse.
11. I have stabbed someone. It was my brother and he was an intruder in my apartment.
12. I love leg warmers. Proof I belong in the 80s.
13. I have been tossed in the air and then go stuck in a basketball goal. 
14. I cry when I have to play the game Operation. When I was little the noises were too loud for me and now it's just something I cannot handle.
15. My mom has bought me condoms before; she has all of my sister. For me, Lillian, and Elle it has been interesting.
16. My grandmother who I do not like has had so many plastic surgery that we call her Couch.
17. I love ice skating and I think I'm pretty good at it.
18. Gone with the Wind is my favorite book of all time. Surprising huh?
19. I still have all my Barbie Computer games. 
20. I broke my dad's computer playing the Harry Potter PC game...
21. I have been on club's VIP list several times.
22. I have all of the Hallmark Gone with the Wind ornaments.
23. I can take any object and make it have glitter. True story.
24. Nancy Drew was my best friend for a long time.
25. Gummies are my favorite.
26. I have tied a man to the bed. Sadly for him I had no intention of doing anything to him.
27. The only water my dogs and I drink is Evian. Seriously
28. Thank goodness I don't have sensitive skin because I love the scented tampons. Yes I'm the girl that actually buys the Fresh Scent ones.
29. My toothbrush is 1D!!!! (Hey it was Bieber I have moved up in the world!)
30. Even my bath towels sparkle because they have sequins on them.

Day 5: Fly On Little Butterfly

I believe the last time I actually tried to kill myself was December 1, 2012.

I was seriously depressed and I just let the razor skim over me. And I went from room to room thinking how could my life get more crappy if I let it?

• I was a nuisance to my friends (still am but they find it enduring now!)
• My parents didn't talk to me and would forget about me. (My mom has gotten sooooo much better now that she is closer to me. Dad still has work to do.)
• My job was my favorite (Yeah 5 year olds are not my forte.)
• I was living in a tiny apartment.
• My best friend had one a heck of a hunk.
• My daughter was dying and I had never got to hold her.
• I had blew my chances with one heck of a guy.

First the headache started and then I started blacking out really bad.

The thing I remember next was my front door falling flat on the floor.

I was really hoping it was death, but it was a man grabbing me. My vision was so blurry. I could just see a shadow. The shadow was striping my clothes off and I remember thinking "Great now I'm getting raped by a intruder."

Then I was hauled into the shower and hot water hit all my cuts and the pain was unbearable almost. Then the shadow became an image of Chris and he was fully clothed and was grabbing soap. I tried getting away but he tightened his grip and rubbed soap straight into cut. It burned and I screamed and I started crying and begging him to stop. He told me I wanted to feel pain so I was going to feel pain. I kept screaming because it was burning.

He rinsed me and I was thankful the torture was over. Well I thought it was over.

He started pouring rubbing alcohol all over and told me to bit his shoulder because oh my God did it burn. I knew I was going to lose my friends that I just made. When Chris started to bandage me up I heard a gasp and looked up to find Odette looking at my cuts. 

There was four cuts that Chris gave me a glare that made me want to shrink under a mountain for protection. They were morgue cuts on my wrists and on the back of my knee.

After that Frankie and Chris both started helping me get me to the point where I rarely think about cutting anymore. They introduced me to the Butterfly Project. There are still times when a blade looks like fun and I just go to Chris, Odette, or Frankie himself and they draw a butterfly on me instead. 

I have done so well since then.

 

Day 4: Religion.

Religion-

: the belief in a god or in a group of gods
: an organized system of beliefs, ceremonies, and rules used to worship a god or a group of gods
: an interest, a belief, or an activity that is very important to a person or group

I have dabbled in a lot of religions. I'd even hit the point of no religion at one point. The last one I was before I became what I am today was Wicca.  But I gave that up because it was strange to me and something didn't feel right. I still felt alone.

Then this strange big eyed strawberry blonde showed up at work. She had everything going for her. Even when weird and bad things happened she was happy. I was jealous of that. I even gave her heck for that. I was jealous. And one day, she was singing a song,

Make 'em wonder what you've got make 'em wish that they were not on the outside looking bored. Shine let it shine before all men let'em see good works, and then let 'em glorify the Lord.

I remember because the song talked about barbecuing a hamster and being a vegetarian. Trust me that lyric can really catch your attention. The more I got to know her the more I realized that being a Christian was what made her happy all the time. Sure she had bad days but she would get over them in ways I could only imagine getting over a bad day.

I wanted that simplicity and quite honestly she is contagious with her happy self. She became my friend and I was soon saved as a Christian.

Now I this hasn't been an easy change for me at all. There are days when I'm angry at God, there are days when God and I have this long talk about what I want. And you know those moments when you land on you butt (forget your knees who the crap lands on their knees?) God is basically telling you to look around at what you have and be grateful. It's a hard pill to swallow but it's true. The things I take for granted every day someone else is wishing for at the moment very moment.

What was difficult for me to swallow was when my child passed away. I was never able to hold her because my parents didn't want anyone to know about her. It was more than me being unmarried and pregnant. It was so much more but that's a different post, possibly.

God and I became close after that. You see my daughter was born with so many complications that she couldn't save herself. So I know God has her and she is safe and not in pain. I want to see her one day. I thought that reason was enough to give my heart to God.

But God protects me in ways that nothing else can. God is bigger than karma, destiny, and luck. God can change everything in instant. I've seen too many miracles happen now that I have taken off my rose colored glasses that the world tries to shove on my face daily. I now thank God daily for the many blessings he gives me.

I enjoy our church who does crazy things to get people in church. Our preach has the motto "Come to church for the wrong reason stay for the right reason!" We fed over 1000 people last year for Easter just because we had an Easter egg hunt and games. It was fun and we had so people come to our church after that.

The hard times come and I find someone to help me through it that is a Christian too. And sometimes it's my best friend's (the chick with the big eyes and strawberry blonde hair), her fiance and he talks and prays with me while he lets me pretend he is a punch bag all while letting me take it out on him. God knew exactly what I needed and most of the time it's not what I want. That's why He gets the glory.

People say it's hard to be a Christian and that's because if it was easy everyone would be one. So I'm sorry to the old friends I had but you have no idea what you are missing, but then again I'm not sorry. I just feel sorry for you. I have a wonderful challenge that makes my life shine brighter and my soul will live on forever because I know who died for me!