Day 5: Fly On Little Butterfly

I believe the last time I actually tried to kill myself was December 1, 2012.

I was seriously depressed and I just let the razor skim over me. And I went from room to room thinking how could my life get more crappy if I let it?

• I was a nuisance to my friends (still am but they find it enduring now!)
• My parents didn't talk to me and would forget about me. (My mom has gotten sooooo much better now that she is closer to me. Dad still has work to do.)
• My job was my favorite (Yeah 5 year olds are not my forte.)
• I was living in a tiny apartment.
• My best friend had one a heck of a hunk.
• My daughter was dying and I had never got to hold her.
• I had blew my chances with one heck of a guy.

First the headache started and then I started blacking out really bad.

The thing I remember next was my front door falling flat on the floor.

I was really hoping it was death, but it was a man grabbing me. My vision was so blurry. I could just see a shadow. The shadow was striping my clothes off and I remember thinking "Great now I'm getting raped by a intruder."

Then I was hauled into the shower and hot water hit all my cuts and the pain was unbearable almost. Then the shadow became an image of Chris and he was fully clothed and was grabbing soap. I tried getting away but he tightened his grip and rubbed soap straight into cut. It burned and I screamed and I started crying and begging him to stop. He told me I wanted to feel pain so I was going to feel pain. I kept screaming because it was burning.

He rinsed me and I was thankful the torture was over. Well I thought it was over.

He started pouring rubbing alcohol all over and told me to bit his shoulder because oh my God did it burn. I knew I was going to lose my friends that I just made. When Chris started to bandage me up I heard a gasp and looked up to find Odette looking at my cuts. 

There was four cuts that Chris gave me a glare that made me want to shrink under a mountain for protection. They were morgue cuts on my wrists and on the back of my knee.

After that Frankie and Chris both started helping me get me to the point where I rarely think about cutting anymore. They introduced me to the Butterfly Project. There are still times when a blade looks like fun and I just go to Chris, Odette, or Frankie himself and they draw a butterfly on me instead. 

I have done so well since then.