Nashville Haul

So we had to go to Nashville for the results of Frankie's tests. We all went, including Flutterina. She and I went to Starbucks while he was at the specialist's. While at Starbucks I did some online shopping.

Sigma Beauty - (Online purchase)

2X Sigma Spa Brush Cleaning Glove - I have been saying they needed to do this!

F35 - Tapered Highlighter

Amazon

Infuser Water Bottle - This one is for Frankie who keeps stealing mine.

Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy

Martha Stewart Crafts Paper Tape 

Wrapables Striped Japanese Washi Masking Tape - Gold Chevron

Wrapables Gold Treasure Japanese Washi Masking Tape for Scrapbooking

Daily Scrapbook Deco Craft Stickers for Girls, Pink Dream, Transparent

Melissa & Doug Deluxe Magnetic Calendar

Moleskine Evernote Smart Notebook, Large, Ruled, Black, Hard Cover

Moleskine Evernote Smart Notebook Ruled Pocket

Melissa & Doug Jumbo Paint Brushes

Melissa & Doug Sunny Patch Speck Seahorse Sand Ice Cream Set - This is going with us to Naples to Aunt Jessie's house on the beach!

AngelStar Magnetic Bookmarks

JetPens

Pilot FriXion Color-Pencil-Like Erasable Gel Ink Pen - 0.7 mm - 24 Color Set

Kuretake Yuzen Die Cut Japanese Paper Sticker Set - Butterfly

Sun-Star Piri-it Page Markers - Look - Red

Seltzer Goods

Hedgehogs-Pen

Love Letters-Pen

Break Time-Pen

Lightning-Pen

Hedgehogs-Pouch

After Frankie picked us we decided to do some more shopping. I knew I wanted to go to the Container Store, a few toy stores, Barnes & Nobles and wherever else the day would take us. 

Container Store

Medium Smart Store System Tote

Mini Hobby Box with Pink Tray

Butterly Hanging Accessory Organizer

First Aid Box

Owl Storage Caddy

Extra Wide AkroBins

nestbasket by reisenthel - Red & White

Bright nestbasket by reisenthel - Blue & Pink

Silver Mesh Rolling Bin

Like-it® White Slim Tower

4 Soft-Sided Market Tote by reisenthel

Pink Grid Totes

Waterproof Pouches

Post-it® Shopping Organizer - I love this because it will fit inside my planner!

Multi-Battery Storage Box

Page Pockets & Pen Loop

Cedar Blocks

Vinyl & Mesh Pouch Translucent - For my planner

Bigso™ Synchronicity Stockholm Paper Drawers

5 Netted Soap Saver

elfa Mesh Kids' Coloring Table White

reisenthel® Fabric Magazine Organizer Black/Grey

Target

Band-Aid Hurt Free Antiseptic Wash

Pond's Cold Cream Cleanser

10 Johnson & Johnson RED CROSS Brand Hospital Grade Rolled Gauze

8 Johnson & Johnson RED CROSS Brand Hospital Grade Gauze Pads

Aquaphor Baby Gentle Wash and Shampoo

Eucerin Aquaphor Baby Healing Ointment

Circo® Infant Toddler Girls' Babydoll Tank and Bike Short Set

Disney® Frozen Olaf Toddler Girls' Short Sleeve Tee - Aqua Breeze

Disney® Frozen Elsa Toddler Girls' Short Sleeve Tee - Calm Yellow

gDiapers Cloth Inserts

gDiapers Disposable Inserts

Circo® Infant Toddler Girls' Sleeveless Romper

Circo® Infant Toddler Girls' Legging w/ Pockets - Black

Circo® Infant Toddler Girls' Solid Legging - Assorted Colors

A bunch of different Gerber Graduate; Fruit Splashers, Yogurt Blends, Ravioli, Dinners, Breakfast meals, Puffs, and cookies.

Earth Mama Angel Baby Natural Nipple Butter

Sticko Pattern Whales Stickers

Sticko Patten Bows Stickers

Sticko Bright Dinos Stickers

Toys R Us

Washi Tap

Baby Alive Luv 'n Snuggle Baby Doll Blonde with Blanket

Baby Alive Baby Gets a Boo-Boo Doll

Baby Alive Doll Food Refill Pack

To save you a long list...  She has a lot of Baby Alive things. Frankie said it would be great for her. 

Just Like Home Deluxe Housekeeping Set - Pink

Disney Frozen 6 inch Elsa with Baby Anna Figure

Disney Little Mermaid Flip Open Sofa

Disney Little Mermaid Upholstered Chair

Janie and Jack

Sunglasses Top

Cuffed Short

Sailboat Romper

Striped Ribbon Headband

Bow Colorblock Top

Anchor Canvas Short

Anchor Ponte Dress

Colorblock Sunhat

Rosette Eyelet Top

Bow Gingham Skirt

Mixed Print Rosette Knit Top

Corsage Stripe Swimsuit

Bow Top

Eyelet Short

Scalloped Sunglasses

Striped Top

Gold Bow Sandal

Chevron Short

Bow Capri Legging

Striped One-Shoulder Top

Bow Terry Swim Cover-Up

Lemon Swimsuit

Ulta

Sequin Pull On Yellow Slipper Socks

Love these!

RT Mini Trio Brush Set

Barnes & Noble

Moleskine Volant Pocket Ruled Notebook, Pink/Magenta Set of 2

To Do Sticky Notes Set

Watercolor Butterfly 3-Ring Binder 9'' x 12''

Apology Nifty Notes 50 Sheets

Mental Notes Sticky Note 100 Sheets

Moleskine Classic White Pocket Ruled Notebook

Moleskine Volant White Pocket Ruled Notebook, Set of 2

Moleskine Volant Pocket Plain Notebook, Violet Set of 2

Moleskine Passions Wine Journal

First Prayers for Baby

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

Butterfly Kisses

Jonathan Adler Honeycomb Laptop Sleeve

I picked these up at a boutique we stopped at...

Butterfly Kisses

If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies.

My life looking back and seeing pictures, it's easy to see how people thought nothing was wrong. I looked like a rebellious teenager having a wonderful time and living it. Teenage pregnancy, emotional stage, smoke and drank. Only it wasn't that and it's not that for many.

Yes there are the people who cut or even go as far to say the cut themselves for attention. For those of us who have actually been hospitalized for cutting it pisses us off because we are a true cry for help. You have people thinking we are all just cut or are cutting for attention and that's not the case. 

I was raped. Not once not even just twice but for years by a family member. He threatened to kill me if I told anyone. He actually jump started my cutting because he cut my skin. I was scared to death but honestly I started to associate that with feeling calm because when he wasn't doing that he really was hurting me. I started cutting when I started to panic about someone finding out what he had done.

Then I ended up pregnant and I hit severe depression. I carried full term miraculously. I gave birth to a little girl that was honestly doomed from the day she was born. I get frustrated with people, even people close to me that say to me "At least you got to hold her and hear her cry." Excuse me but were you in the delivery room when they yanked her from me? No you weren't, so sorry to be rude, but not sorry; SHUT THE HELL UP! I never got to hold her. I was banned from seeing her and surrendered her to adoption. It was a full surrender because I knew where she was for the next five years. I only have four pictures of her. 

During those years I had a severe issue of cutting. The smoking was second in the worst category. Drinking was as prevalent as the cutting and smoking was during that time. I would party sure but I didn't find comfort in drinking. I still don't. The only alcohol beverage I find comforting is rose champagne and wine. 

Cutting placed me into the hospital twice, both of those times were before I moved. When I moved things got slightly better. Only because I wasn't being constantly ridicule and shamed for having a baby and cutting. Slowly, I realized how alone I was and the cutting got worse.

Last time that almost ended me in the hospital was December 1st, 2012. I didn't end up in the hospital. It's the day that changed my life, forever. Drinking and cutting was it  for me the night of November 30, 2012. I guess I stopped responding to my best friend because from my drowsy disposition. I fell asleep only to be woken up by my front door being kicked backwards off it's hinges onto the floor of my apartment.

I was snatched up and carried into the bathroom. Forced to feel hot water and soap into the places I had cut. I was then held in a lap with alcohol being poured into my wounds. I realized it was my best friend and her boyfriend, Odette and Chris.

After Chris bandaged me up I noticed someone else was picking up in my apartment. My heart about sunk into my pelvic when I realized it was Frankie, Chris's brother. He wanted to talk to me. He told me how sad it made him that I wanted to cut my beautiful body. I watched in amazement as he drew a beautiful detailed butterfly on my arm.

He explained to me that if I cut again the butterfly would die. I looked at the beautiful butterfly not wanting it to die because it was beautiful. I hugged him and it made him blush. He explained to me more about the Butterfly Project. "The person that cuts either draws a better or has someone else draw a butterfly where they cut or whatever. If you cut or self harm then you kill the butterfly But the ones drawn by other people are special. Even just one cut kills all the butterflies no matter how many you have."

They had plans to go ride the Polar Express at the Railroad Museum. So I was put into some extra Christmas pajamas that Odette had and got in the car. The ride there was quiet compared to the screaming I had done of the wee hours that morning. Frankie had managed to write a sweet note on Facebook to me for different ideas instead of cutting to do.

After that butterflies became very dear to me. But my views on butterflies have drastically changed in the last two weeks. It means even more to me now.

I talked at a conference about how not matter how scarred my skin was I was still beautiful. It was then my life changed a second time forever. A little girl about six and half wanted to talk to me about her skin condition and how I really spoke to her. She wanted to meet me. I drove back up there. This girl was an orphan and has a skin condition called epidermolysis bullosa.

I arrived and the little girl excitedly told me she was getting adopted. We talked about her what it felt like to her and how bad she had the disease since there are different forms of it. They are called butterfly children because of their skin being so thin like a butterfly's wings.

Frankie had went with me but had left and wandered off on a trip to the restroom. I finished up my talk and went to go find him. I discovered him playing peek a boo with a blue eyed and bouncing curls tiny little girl. It was over in an instant.

I now sit with this precious little girl who is a suffers from EB as well craddled against me. We are finalizing paperwork right now. I cannot believe that butterflies have changed my life so. And for this reason I will always love them.

Scrappin' in Alabama

Dream room!

So if you read +Jessica's blog All Jeweled Up, you have read about me! Yup, me! In her post Friends That Scrap Together... it's me she is talking about!


I am skeptical about scrapbooking. I love crafts and things but scrapbooking I don't know about. Card making is a different story. People love cards. I love cards. One of my favorite Pinterest ideas is to take all the cards you got from an event and punch holes and put a flip ring through it and make a book of cards from the event! Neat huh?

My life has been changing a lot lately. We went from dull and boring to speedy and colorful quite quickly since returning from Thailand. Not sure what to make of it but I am letting God's will happen. So card making is one of those things. Card making is the fun to me. The videos I watch on YouTube scare me at times because I wonder if I can ever be that creative. I just have to remind myself that I will find inspiration!

Below are a few things that get me excited about scrappin' in Bama!

2 inch Big paper punch craft punch-- Butterfly - I am sooooo excited about this punch!!!

12x12 Double Page Scrapbook Layout "Under The Sea" - Eeekk I love this layout!

Review: Stella & Dot Getaway - Mariposa

I wanted a bag for the summer that was big enough to put EVERYTHING in! I follow a couple of blogs that talk about Stella & Dot. They were running this special where if you bought a Getaway bag you would receive Hang On bag for free.

I instantly fell in love with this bag! Hello look at the pretty butterflies! Plus is spacious to the max! Because it extends if you need more room. I have even used that feature of the bag too!

I like being able to carry all things I need to seminars including a change of clothes for afterwards and that is what this is great for!

I am loving the fabric inside and out. The hardware on the bag doesn't feel cheap and it's very sturdy. I highly recommend getting one of their getaway bags now.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 27: The Purple Emperor

Fly Away

I discovered this specie of butterfly not long after I stopped cutting. There are many reason to why I love the Purple Emperor, or Apatura iris. It's usually just found in Europe and Asia. I long to see one of these beautiful creatures up close and personal.

First of all, it's a butterfly. I love the Butterfly Project on Tumblr to help alleviate all of the self harm people on there. Including myself.

Second of all, the color. I love the purple on this particular butterfly. Purple is my third favorite color. Purple also has a special meaning to me now. The ribbon for Crohn's awareness is purple. Frankie means the world to me and if I can help support him in any way I will.

Lastly, the eye shapes at the bottom of the butterfly. I have printed a picture of this butterfly and have through my house. It reminds me that I have a butterfly watching me. Not only will harming myself result in a butterfly dying but I will be letting down my butterflies. Those and the people that love me. It really helps me through rough days of uncertainty.